Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

2011 Christmas/New Year, a photo by minimalspinmommy on Flickr.

(free photoshop template from www.rebeccacooper.blogspot.com)

Merry Christmas!

A Good and Perfect Gift 2011

After reading Urrea's novel I turned around and read Amy Julia Becker's nonfiction piece, "A Good and Perfect Gift; Faith, Expectations, and a Little Girl Named Penny." I didn't realize it but I have read some of Becker's work before on the Motherlode blog of the New York Times (which I loved while Lisa Belkin was writing it but she has moved to the Huffington Post and Motherlode continues but it just isn't the same....). Anyway I started Becker's book thinking it might be a bit dry and depressing as it appeared to be a very deliberate treatise on faith and pain and their connections. I was delighted to be proven very wrong. Becker's book is a glass of fresh cool water on a difficult and often very confusing topic. She presents the story of her daughter, Penny, who has Down Syndrome and Becker's journey into being her mother. The best way I can describe Becker's work is that it is just beautiful. Gorgeous in its simplicity and clarity. Though I wonder if that's what she intended when writing it. Because it's beauty is not due to some dramatic written effort, in fact it's the lack of pretense that gives the book a soul.

I have to confess that I adore good nonfiction. When I dabble in writing it is the genre I am most likely to attempt. A compelling memoir will have me spellbound for weeks after reading it. (I still ponder on Anne Lamott's work a decade later!) So I am probably biased towards Becker's book. But I also despise poor nonfiction, so unless it's good I am not reading it. I'm much more likely to quit a lousy nonfiction book than a lousy fiction book, I'm not really sure why but that seems to be the pattern.

Anyway Becker's book took me several important places. First it made me think about being human and grappling with pain, disappointment, joy and hope. Second, it reminded me of my own experiences with people who have disabilities, notably my aunt Liz. And finally third, it brought me back to being a mother and probably for the first time I felt some of the things in this book different because I have a child.

Let me deal with that third piece first, this book chronicles Becker and her husband's first child, Penny. She is born with Down Syndrome which is a surprise to everyone since the prenatal testing did not reveal this. Having had a baby myself in the last year I couldn't help but place myself in her shoes and ask "what would I have done? How would I have responded to this?" Over and over I found myself struck by the similarities and differences of having children who are "typical" vs "disabled". I thought about Nemo and her ease with development and my expectations that she would develop at a typical rate. How different our lives could be if she had a disability that presented at birth... I suspect that part of the appeal of Becker's book is that many people can read her story and relate to the common experience of having a child while also seeing the differences highlighted. She does a fabulous job of sharing the comments people have made to her, mostly insensitive but said with good intentions, throughout the book. She seems to be a saint because I certainly would not have had as much grace as she appears too!

Aside from my own identification with Becker's motherhood I also found myself dwelling on memories of my Aunt Liz (my fathers younger sister who died in 2003 who had significant developmental/physical limitations). Many of the things Becker reports hearing about her daughter, I have memories of hearing about Liz. Things like, "she's a gift, what a special person and what a blessing" all of which were true. But I wonder what it was like for my grandparents when she was born, did they struggle with the questions Becker raises in her book about the nature of pain and Gods will in our lives? I wonder if they wrestled to find meaning in the midst of both tragedy and joy? By the time I was born they may have figured it it, I'm not sure. What I do know is that Liz played a significant role in my life and I saw her as a true blessing. I also saw the hard work that my grandparents put into taking care of her, though I'm sure I only understood a tiny part of that process. As the first grandchild/niece though I felt tremendously loved by Liz. She made me feel special just because I was hers. There are many pictures of my infant self in her arms and plenty more of me in one of her classic "hammer locks" as an older child and adolescent. Becker's book brought me back to all of those memories and highlighted the struggles present when joy and pain are mixed up together. Liz was a joy, a blessing but she also lived a life marked by physical and mental limitation. I think that's hard to reconcile in a world where we think that everything can be controlled or perfected if we just get it right. Sometimes you just can't and there will be sorrow, pain and even hopelessness but in the midst of that grace comes to teach us how to be and how to live. I am thankful that Becker's book took me to that place again.

The first idea that I mentioned, that this book reminded me of human connection and emotion, is also crucial in understanding my reactions. Becker spends a good portion of the book inside her own head but she also weaves in stories of how others reacted to her and her new family. The grace she displays for others is remarkable. People of course say the craziest things, I'm sure I've been guilty of these kinds of missteps in my life. But Becker discusses her reactions, gets angry, feels frustrated and occasionally walks away all while finding room to give people mercy in their ignorance. And how ignorant most of us are, really I was reminded again that most of us are fumbling around trying to say the "right thing" only to be completely wrong in what we do choose to say. Oy, how much we need forgiveness from each other. It's so much easier to just write people off when they do things that hurt or offend but Becker repeatedly reminded me that the road of grace and mercy is quite different.

I found it fascinating to see how her marriage functioned in the midst of this new development. It appeared throughout the book that she and Peter are the most well-adjusted married couple around, they rarely argue let alone fight! This where I wondered what might have been left out, perhaps for privacy's sake. It just seems that their adjustment as a couple is seamless and I would have expected a bit more conflict. Aside from that I was so taken in by the way they communicated and Peter's radical acceptance of their daughter, just as she was. Amazing and inspiring. But also very human, a reminder that sometimes we can rise above and just be God's grace and mercy.

I didn't really intend to write so much about this little book. But I loved it and I found myself close to tears throughout. This is an author I look forward to hearing and questioning about her thoughts on the interaction between her faith and her motherhood.

To end another pic of my favorite girl at her Grandma's over Thanksgiving...

Welcoming a baby Bad Christmas Sweater style!

A few weeks ago MSD and I had the pleasure of playing hosts to the baby shower of some of our best friends in the world! They are welcoming a baby in January and we had a Bad Christmas Sweater Baby Shower!  There were baby doll dressing games and crazy Pictionary... 

musings on birthdays and milestones...

Nemo's first day in the world...

On November 9, 2011 I turned 30 and Nemo turned 1.

I have been amazed that in the last two weeks Nemo went from a crawler who could pull up on furniture and then maybe take a few shaky steps before falling on her bottom, to a person who can stand up on her own and RUN down the hallway. It's sort of unbelievable. And yet it is so typical, so everyday and so expected. It's only when I pause to think of her as a tiny baby, who really lets be honest was a blob, compared to this person who now stands in front of me jabbering away and indicating what she wants and needs. It's amazing to see.

Ahhhh the first birthday cake!

About two weeks ago she was still barely walking on her own, mostly stumbling around only to plummet face first into the ground. She has a few battle scars to show off from her attempts at walking. Now she will immediately get up, move to her feet and take off in whatever direction she desires. She's got an attitude as well that comes out when she is blocked by a closed door or gate. I'll walk into the kitchen closing the baby gate behind me only to hear about 30 seconds later, Yaaaaaahhhhhh! emanating from her.


She is also getting sneaky! One of her favorite things to do is come into the kitchen and open a drawer that contains Ziplock bags. She will race into the room, open the drawer and grab a gallon size bag and then turn around and begin toddling away. She seems to figure that if she moves quick she might be able to hold onto that bag. It's so cute that you have to try hard not to laugh. Instead we reprimand her and remind her that the Ziplocs aren't part of her toy collection. Then I make a mental note AGAIN to get some safety locks for the kitchen drawers. Nemo knows when there are things she is not supposed to touch and she goes right for them, sneaky baby.

"You all have been holding back!"

Turning 1 seems to be agreeing with Nemo. I think turning 30 is agreeing with me too. So far I've noticed that I have to remind myself that I am not still in my 20s. Other than that I think I've begun to feel the transition of myself moving from one stage of life into another. But I'm not completely sure if that is due to my turning 30 or becoming a mother, perhaps it's a strange combination of both happening together. Either way it has provided me with a new lens with which to view my next stage in life. I'm enjoying it so far!

1 year old and 30 years old

The Hummingbird's Daughter 2006

As the year winds down I've been thinking about what my goals are for 2012. One thing I would like to nurture is my creative spirit. It's been a long time since I spent time really attending to my interests of reading fiction and dabbling in writing. So for 2012, I want to invest in my creative self. My first step in that direction is to attend the Festival of Faith and Writing at Calvin College. It's an every other year gathering of folks who are interested in the intersection of spiritual matters and the written word. My favorite librarian, Mary Post, invited me to join her in reading through the works of the authors who will be in attendance and then discussing them before the conference. So I've sent my elf to the library and he returned with piles of fiction and a few nonfiction pieces as well. I've been slowly working my way through them and it's amazing how books can bring me into deeper consideration of the world around me.

I just finished the EPIC novel by Luis Alberto Urrea, "The Hummingbird's Daughter." Since finishing it I've been trying to sum up my thoughts. It's more difficult than I would have expected. But then again its probably difficult because that's the tenor of the book, it's a deep and thorough read that can't be easily summed. For one thing the book has quite a bit of Spanish mixed in with the English so I'm certain that I missed nuances and allusions throughout the story. Also the plot moves slowly with a tremendous amount of attention placed on details of the environment and narrative style. It's a masterful work of fiction that part of me is finds amazing. The story is rich in historical context and character development. Then there is the land and the country that serve as an entire additional character. This is the type of novel I read and think, "wow, this must have taken decades to write!" (and yes the author reports that he had been working on it since 1984.) Its rich and deep and very well layered.

********If you do not want the plot spoiled please do not read any further!

All of that being said I still found myself struggling at points to get through. There were a number of places that the book seemed to lose me either in the somewhat trudging pace or the entrance of another character (there were many and it doesn't help that my lack of Spanish skills keep me from really remembering some of the names well!). But I pressed on and found the book rewarding in its completion. I think the piece that has stuck with me the most is his portrayal of a young girl's transformation from very human to saint. Teresa (the main character) seems at the beginning to be set for a significant role in life but it is very slow coming. Many times she also seems very human and common, much like ever eventual followers. I was struck by her slow progression to significance. She and Huila (who seems to play a sort of classic "cranky tough nut") in this story ever establish a affectionate bond but it is certainly loving in nature. Teresa's gifts are evident from the beginning and the novel seemed somewhat predictable until she is attacked. At that point several things happened that turned the story into a different entity all together. Probably most striking is that Teresa dies and comes back to life, i.e. is resurrected. Not vampire style ala Twilight, no she comes back human and very real. And it's a shock to everyone because she gets out of her coffin during the period of mourning and because she isn't quite herself. I though it was very fascinating that she came back to life and it took her several months/years to adjust back into humanity. Meaning she seemed to sort of live in an "out of body, dissociative experience" prior to really acclimating back into her body. During this time she had also strengthened her power to heal and people flocked to her in order to be cured of whatever ailment they experienced. So she has thousands of people making pilgrimages to her front lawn near the end of the story.

This is where the historical context becomes important. She is perceived as dangerous by the authorities since she preaches a message of love, equality and compassion. Dangerous, right? She is jailed and eventually exiled to the USA. Historically, there is nothing like preaching love that will get you jailed, killed or exiled, it appears. The book ends there, and I was left wondering what happens throughout the rest of her life. She was only 19 years old upon leaving Mexico though it seemed she should have been older based on the detail of the book. The author writes in the back that this story is based on a real person within his family who he grew up hearing about. He mentions historical documents that reference her and her works of healing. The book reads a bit like a family history with its many references to extended members of the Urrea clan and their properties.

Final word, I liked the book overall and probably found Teresa's mixture of humanity and sainthood the most interesting part. I will be interested to hear what this author has to say about his conceptualization of how humanity is affected by the experience of peering over the other side in to death and then coming back into the consciousness of the living as he writes in Teresa's character.

And just because here's Nemo... walking!

Blogging

A very interesting article....


Makes my "secret" addiction to mom blogs somewhat more justified!