Welcoming a baby Bad Christmas Sweater style!

A few weeks ago MSD and I had the pleasure of playing hosts to the baby shower of some of our best friends in the world! They are welcoming a baby in January and we had a Bad Christmas Sweater Baby Shower!  There were baby doll dressing games and crazy Pictionary... 

musings on birthdays and milestones...

Nemo's first day in the world...

On November 9, 2011 I turned 30 and Nemo turned 1.

I have been amazed that in the last two weeks Nemo went from a crawler who could pull up on furniture and then maybe take a few shaky steps before falling on her bottom, to a person who can stand up on her own and RUN down the hallway. It's sort of unbelievable. And yet it is so typical, so everyday and so expected. It's only when I pause to think of her as a tiny baby, who really lets be honest was a blob, compared to this person who now stands in front of me jabbering away and indicating what she wants and needs. It's amazing to see.

Ahhhh the first birthday cake!

About two weeks ago she was still barely walking on her own, mostly stumbling around only to plummet face first into the ground. She has a few battle scars to show off from her attempts at walking. Now she will immediately get up, move to her feet and take off in whatever direction she desires. She's got an attitude as well that comes out when she is blocked by a closed door or gate. I'll walk into the kitchen closing the baby gate behind me only to hear about 30 seconds later, Yaaaaaahhhhhh! emanating from her.


She is also getting sneaky! One of her favorite things to do is come into the kitchen and open a drawer that contains Ziplock bags. She will race into the room, open the drawer and grab a gallon size bag and then turn around and begin toddling away. She seems to figure that if she moves quick she might be able to hold onto that bag. It's so cute that you have to try hard not to laugh. Instead we reprimand her and remind her that the Ziplocs aren't part of her toy collection. Then I make a mental note AGAIN to get some safety locks for the kitchen drawers. Nemo knows when there are things she is not supposed to touch and she goes right for them, sneaky baby.

"You all have been holding back!"

Turning 1 seems to be agreeing with Nemo. I think turning 30 is agreeing with me too. So far I've noticed that I have to remind myself that I am not still in my 20s. Other than that I think I've begun to feel the transition of myself moving from one stage of life into another. But I'm not completely sure if that is due to my turning 30 or becoming a mother, perhaps it's a strange combination of both happening together. Either way it has provided me with a new lens with which to view my next stage in life. I'm enjoying it so far!

1 year old and 30 years old

The Hummingbird's Daughter 2006

As the year winds down I've been thinking about what my goals are for 2012. One thing I would like to nurture is my creative spirit. It's been a long time since I spent time really attending to my interests of reading fiction and dabbling in writing. So for 2012, I want to invest in my creative self. My first step in that direction is to attend the Festival of Faith and Writing at Calvin College. It's an every other year gathering of folks who are interested in the intersection of spiritual matters and the written word. My favorite librarian, Mary Post, invited me to join her in reading through the works of the authors who will be in attendance and then discussing them before the conference. So I've sent my elf to the library and he returned with piles of fiction and a few nonfiction pieces as well. I've been slowly working my way through them and it's amazing how books can bring me into deeper consideration of the world around me.

I just finished the EPIC novel by Luis Alberto Urrea, "The Hummingbird's Daughter." Since finishing it I've been trying to sum up my thoughts. It's more difficult than I would have expected. But then again its probably difficult because that's the tenor of the book, it's a deep and thorough read that can't be easily summed. For one thing the book has quite a bit of Spanish mixed in with the English so I'm certain that I missed nuances and allusions throughout the story. Also the plot moves slowly with a tremendous amount of attention placed on details of the environment and narrative style. It's a masterful work of fiction that part of me is finds amazing. The story is rich in historical context and character development. Then there is the land and the country that serve as an entire additional character. This is the type of novel I read and think, "wow, this must have taken decades to write!" (and yes the author reports that he had been working on it since 1984.) Its rich and deep and very well layered.

********If you do not want the plot spoiled please do not read any further!

All of that being said I still found myself struggling at points to get through. There were a number of places that the book seemed to lose me either in the somewhat trudging pace or the entrance of another character (there were many and it doesn't help that my lack of Spanish skills keep me from really remembering some of the names well!). But I pressed on and found the book rewarding in its completion. I think the piece that has stuck with me the most is his portrayal of a young girl's transformation from very human to saint. Teresa (the main character) seems at the beginning to be set for a significant role in life but it is very slow coming. Many times she also seems very human and common, much like ever eventual followers. I was struck by her slow progression to significance. She and Huila (who seems to play a sort of classic "cranky tough nut") in this story ever establish a affectionate bond but it is certainly loving in nature. Teresa's gifts are evident from the beginning and the novel seemed somewhat predictable until she is attacked. At that point several things happened that turned the story into a different entity all together. Probably most striking is that Teresa dies and comes back to life, i.e. is resurrected. Not vampire style ala Twilight, no she comes back human and very real. And it's a shock to everyone because she gets out of her coffin during the period of mourning and because she isn't quite herself. I though it was very fascinating that she came back to life and it took her several months/years to adjust back into humanity. Meaning she seemed to sort of live in an "out of body, dissociative experience" prior to really acclimating back into her body. During this time she had also strengthened her power to heal and people flocked to her in order to be cured of whatever ailment they experienced. So she has thousands of people making pilgrimages to her front lawn near the end of the story.

This is where the historical context becomes important. She is perceived as dangerous by the authorities since she preaches a message of love, equality and compassion. Dangerous, right? She is jailed and eventually exiled to the USA. Historically, there is nothing like preaching love that will get you jailed, killed or exiled, it appears. The book ends there, and I was left wondering what happens throughout the rest of her life. She was only 19 years old upon leaving Mexico though it seemed she should have been older based on the detail of the book. The author writes in the back that this story is based on a real person within his family who he grew up hearing about. He mentions historical documents that reference her and her works of healing. The book reads a bit like a family history with its many references to extended members of the Urrea clan and their properties.

Final word, I liked the book overall and probably found Teresa's mixture of humanity and sainthood the most interesting part. I will be interested to hear what this author has to say about his conceptualization of how humanity is affected by the experience of peering over the other side in to death and then coming back into the consciousness of the living as he writes in Teresa's character.

And just because here's Nemo... walking!

Blogging

A very interesting article....


Makes my "secret" addiction to mom blogs somewhat more justified!

Happy Halloween!

Obsolete

There is this song on the new Sara Groves album that has been sticking with me lately. When I first heard it I had to pause and think for a moment if I was really getting what the lyrics meant. I'm still not sure I am able to judge Sara's original intention in the song but there are few parts of it that speak directly to where I am at right now and at other times of my life. 

The song is called, "Obsolete", and the word itself taps into some of my worries/insecurities. But it also reminds me to be hopeful, that no matter what I'm not irrelevant to the one who created and loved me first. 

Obsolete

Sara Groves

It’s hard to feel obsolete

It’s hard to feel your skirts are showing

You pull and tug to hide the works

That keep the whole thing going

And you don’t know where you stand

And you feel so small and thin

And if you are dismissed

Will another take you in?

Walking through a hall of doors

Looking through a million portals

Everyone is having fun

Everybody seems immortal

And you don’t know where you stand

And did something pass you by?

And if you are dismissed

Will you get another try?

Are you and I an apparition

Flickering up on the screen

Sending out our best transmissions

Waiting in our velveteen

Tell me you can really see me

It’s hard to feel disqualified

For living in a different time

As if the train will only stop

For the current paradigm

And I don’t know where we are

Are we passing through these wires

Are we waling through the streets

Of invisible empires

And I know I shouldn’t care

If I’m out or if I’m in

Cause if I am dismissed

Oh you always take me in

Sometimes I feel as though I'm not quite on the track that most of my peers are (this tends to be related to professional life and my geographic location). Like somewhere along the line I stepped off and made a choice to go a different direction and as a result I'm not sure I'm always relevant to them. I don't mean to say that I'm some special in some unique way, there are plenty of people who choose to live differently from the mainstream. Some people differentiate themselves by choosing to be unique in their food choices or their religious views or even their parenting practices. Certainly many of us are seeking to craft a special niche for ourselves in the world. 

In many ways I'm pretty typical, young (for a while a least!), educated, heterosexual, privileged in a variety of ways (racially and economically come to mind), connected to my family and a mother (though relatively new to this one).  I think that despite these "typical" characteristics there are other things going on below the surface. Most of us have more going on internally than we care to admit to others. Being a psychologist has taught me many things but perhaps the most common lesson is that people long to be loved by others, truly and deeply loved. Not just accepted for who they are (though we tend to appreciate that as well) but really valued, cherished and loved. I have also come to the realization more and more that many people do not feel that way. 

So perhaps this song hits me for myself and others. For myself it reminds me that when I feel forgotten, brushed over and just generally dismissed in some part of my life, that's not the end of the story because there is someone who will always take me in. For others it reminds me to continue to encourage finding that human connection and that pursuing true connection and love is worthwhile. 

So that was a bit random but for some reason when this song comes on for me I have to stop and reflect on what it means for me and those around me. 

reflections...

She will be one year in only 23 days.

I will be 30 in only 23 days.

I'm not sure what I think of being thirty as of yet. My recent feeling has been that I spent most of my 20s doing things I "had" to and I would like to spend my 30s doing things I "want" to do. We'll see how that goes. Overall, I think the 30's are going to be good. Though I'm sure I"ll feel a bit more nostalgic for all the memories of my 20s as they come to a close. I mean it's quite dramatic how far reaching the last decade has been for me, I finished college, traveled internationally to at least two continents, received a total of 3 degrees, made significant life decisions, got married, had a baby, made some life-long friends, bought a house, got a real job in my field, learned how to paint a room, became a better sister, defended a dissertation, passed the licensing exam, taught classes to undergrads and grads, buried loved ones, celebrated weddings, learned to be a landlord, started running then stopped running, lived in several cities, and came home to live in Chicago. Basically, I went from being a VERY young adult to being a SLIGHTLY more adultish person (since I'm in charge of another person now I guess I can say it's come full circle).

I have many hopes for the next decade. Though I think at this point in my life the change will probably slow somewhat. Just like Nemo who has had a radical year of growth, her second will likely be paced a bit slower. I think I'd like to savor my thirties, enjoying each year and what it brings. Take a slow and measured pace, cause in 10 years I'll be welcoming 40!

Here's to a wonderful next decade!

I love these two pictures. Two of my favorite people in the world on one of our favorite adventures, the Oak Park Farmer's Market... Nemo loves to hang on her daddy's back while she explores all the sights and sounds around her. And the apple hat helps to set the autumn mood!